You can't consent to THAT!

While browsing the interwebs, I ran across this article about a man in Sweden being charged for assault for being in a BDSM relationship. The defendant is a 32 year-old man, his partner a 16 year-old girl. (The consenting age in Sweden is 15, apparently.) A relative noticed bruises on the girl and reported it to the police.

"The prosecutor, Ulrika Rogland, has ruled out rape as the parties are accepted to have consented to their sexual liaison. But the court is set to rule on the issue of where the legal limits lie with regards to violence inflicted on another human being, even if they agree to it." 

 While I understand the reaction from the girl's relative (though extreme), the proper recourse would be to talk to the girl about her relationship with the defendant. Still, at such a young age it was probably more of a "I know what's best for you" attitude. I'm trying not to freak out about the girl's age, as it is a cultural difference, but I just don't see what the hell a 32-year old man is doing with someone so young.

Aside from that, what the court is trying to establish could begin a dangerous precedent on what you are allowed to do in your own bedroom... and what you are capable of consenting to.

e[lust] #15

Photo courtesy of Sexy Tiger X

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #16? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Evolution – Open Marriage, Swinging, & Polyamory - Do we REALLY believe that there is one love for us? Do we really believe there’s one cock or pussy to fuck for the rest of our life?

Sweet To Taste - “I’m dinner tonight,” she breathes. “So don’t let me get cold before you start feasting.”

Having a boyfriend makes me feel fat - I know my worth as a person isn’t devalued by my weight – but I can’t get past the notion that my worth as a partner is.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Fucked by a Stranger - For as long as I can remember, I’ve had this bizarre, twisted fantasy. The roads leading to it were different, but the end result the same: a stranger fucking a very willing me in my bed in the dead of night.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

At Her Mercy - “You have been such a good boy today. Where do you want me to put your cock next?” she said with a wink.

See also: Pleasurists #78 and #79 for all your sex toy review needs.


All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Writing

A Taste of Honey
A Collaborative Fantasy
Dirty in all the Right Places
Fuck my face
I miss your cock
I Didn't Think I Was Ready...
In a nightclub
Just can't get enough
Let's Not Waste That Morning Wood
Morning Lust
Nothing Personal, prologue, part one
Possess Me
Stowaway Dildo. Confession #477
The Black Sheets
The Sitter
Waking Up

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

EdenFantasys: A pattern of deception
HIV, Lube Quality, and Anal Sex: Scare Tactics at the LA Times
I Bet Nick Cage Won't Eat A Preying Mantis
Interview with Scott Owens of EroticBPM
Reaching a Goal

Kink & Fetish

Another Night of Debauchery
Batteries with a Hook
Chastity and the ensuing Punishment
Differences in Submission
I can feel him punch-fucking me
Patient Griselda
Please hurt me
Please, Sir
Remembrances
Story: The Price (FM/M)
Summoned
The Submissive & My Paddle
Visceral and cerebral
Whippings at the Royal Palace

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Answers with an Agenda 3- Dental Dams
Acceptance
Getting Started – Their Profile
How Swinging Gave Me Confidence
My View on Monogamy
Roxy’s April Visit: Collaring My girl, the Ceremony
Sometimes Simplicity
The Sad Seal Lady & Other Precautionary Tales
The 4 of Swords

My Pleasure...

is your pleasure. Or her pleasure, rather, since I am not having sex with the vast majority of you (your loss here =p).  Of course this attitude extends well past the sexual. Recently, I read a post on monogamy that defines it as a commitment to the personal growth of your partner and not simply a vow of not sleeping around. I've already voiced how much I agree with that post, but I also want to embellish a bit on my own. I strive to make my wife happy, not just content... for us not to be complacent but to move forward in that happiness. Each day, the challenge is "What can I do to make her day better?" Not just on the bad days or the sad days, but on normal average days or even great days. What can I do to make my partner's day richer, fuller, funner?

I admit that I cannot take this approach every day, but it is a mindset that anyone in a monogamous relationship should adopt to some extent. Both partners, striving for the other's growth and happiness creates a powerful reciprocating effect that can lead to true joy and a lasting commitment.

This outlook may seem jaded to some. I am not so inexperienced or naive to think that our lives are always filled with sunny days and mind-blowing sex. Relationships are challenging, even when it's just your personal relationship with yourself. If you aren't right with you, how can you relate and embrace other people? It only gets far more complicated. At the same time, that's part of what makes these bonds so awesome and strong. Sarah is not just my lover, not just someone to help with household duties and parenting. She is my best friend, my staunchest supporter in whatever I do and the person that keeps me in check when I think entirely too much of myself. (happens frequently..) Together, we've dealt with things I never thought I could handle and we've talked through issues from our childhood and helped each other come to terms with traumatic experiences.

That's what it means to committed to someone. You help each other cope with the pains of life, share in the joys of love and challenge and encourage each other to grow as a person and as a couple.

Pleasurists #80

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Some things you just can't measure...

I realize that statistics and studies are how we like to analyze things. We take 1,000 people from XYZ demographics, ask them a series of controlled questions and make conclusions and take notes on the results. We repeat this process throughout an area, a city, a state or a country and get a result we consider to be "as thorough and accurate as possible". We use this data to support our arguments.

This can work effectively for lots of things. How many cars do you own, how many kids do you have (hell that question can be complicated for some), do you own your home, etc, etc. To an extent, relationships and marriage can be measured this way as well. How many have you had? Have you ever been divorced? However, when we start talking about how healthy relationships are, are they meaningful, did you mature or grow as a person or help your partner do so? No. Numbers don't cut it.

Some relationships are meant to end. Some aren't healthy at all yet people continue to willingly submit themselves to the negative attention and\or abuse that they receive. Whether that's a marriage or an open relationship, or just a fling you see occasionally, how would that reflect on a survey or as a statistic?

I support the idea of a healthy relationship, whatever that means for you, whether its monogamy, poly, open, or whatever. I could not function in anything but a monogamous relationship. Hugo Schwyzer wrote a great post on monogamy and I completely agree with this view on things. I know my limits and my rules. I've broken them in the past and reaped the consequences. I've learned and I've grown with my wife through those experiences. Has our relationship always been healthy and happy, a nurturing and growing experience? No, it hasn't. Relationships are hard. They take work, real work and dedication. 

Were we to get divorced tomorrow, I would become yet another statistic to someone saying "monogamy doesn't work" or "we aren't wired for monogamous relationships". However, if you asked me was it meaningful? Was it worth it? This woman has changed my world and my being more drastically and positively than any single person in my life. Put that in your report.