My Pleasure...

is your pleasure. Or her pleasure, rather, since I am not having sex with the vast majority of you (your loss here =p).  Of course this attitude extends well past the sexual. Recently, I read a post on monogamy that defines it as a commitment to the personal growth of your partner and not simply a vow of not sleeping around. I've already voiced how much I agree with that post, but I also want to embellish a bit on my own. I strive to make my wife happy, not just content... for us not to be complacent but to move forward in that happiness. Each day, the challenge is "What can I do to make her day better?" Not just on the bad days or the sad days, but on normal average days or even great days. What can I do to make my partner's day richer, fuller, funner?

I admit that I cannot take this approach every day, but it is a mindset that anyone in a monogamous relationship should adopt to some extent. Both partners, striving for the other's growth and happiness creates a powerful reciprocating effect that can lead to true joy and a lasting commitment.

This outlook may seem jaded to some. I am not so inexperienced or naive to think that our lives are always filled with sunny days and mind-blowing sex. Relationships are challenging, even when it's just your personal relationship with yourself. If you aren't right with you, how can you relate and embrace other people? It only gets far more complicated. At the same time, that's part of what makes these bonds so awesome and strong. Sarah is not just my lover, not just someone to help with household duties and parenting. She is my best friend, my staunchest supporter in whatever I do and the person that keeps me in check when I think entirely too much of myself. (happens frequently..) Together, we've dealt with things I never thought I could handle and we've talked through issues from our childhood and helped each other come to terms with traumatic experiences.

That's what it means to committed to someone. You help each other cope with the pains of life, share in the joys of love and challenge and encourage each other to grow as a person and as a couple.

Some things you just can't measure...

I realize that statistics and studies are how we like to analyze things. We take 1,000 people from XYZ demographics, ask them a series of controlled questions and make conclusions and take notes on the results. We repeat this process throughout an area, a city, a state or a country and get a result we consider to be "as thorough and accurate as possible". We use this data to support our arguments.

This can work effectively for lots of things. How many cars do you own, how many kids do you have (hell that question can be complicated for some), do you own your home, etc, etc. To an extent, relationships and marriage can be measured this way as well. How many have you had? Have you ever been divorced? However, when we start talking about how healthy relationships are, are they meaningful, did you mature or grow as a person or help your partner do so? No. Numbers don't cut it.

Some relationships are meant to end. Some aren't healthy at all yet people continue to willingly submit themselves to the negative attention and\or abuse that they receive. Whether that's a marriage or an open relationship, or just a fling you see occasionally, how would that reflect on a survey or as a statistic?

I support the idea of a healthy relationship, whatever that means for you, whether its monogamy, poly, open, or whatever. I could not function in anything but a monogamous relationship. Hugo Schwyzer wrote a great post on monogamy and I completely agree with this view on things. I know my limits and my rules. I've broken them in the past and reaped the consequences. I've learned and I've grown with my wife through those experiences. Has our relationship always been healthy and happy, a nurturing and growing experience? No, it hasn't. Relationships are hard. They take work, real work and dedication. 

Were we to get divorced tomorrow, I would become yet another statistic to someone saying "monogamy doesn't work" or "we aren't wired for monogamous relationships". However, if you asked me was it meaningful? Was it worth it? This woman has changed my world and my being more drastically and positively than any single person in my life. Put that in your report.

A Man of Many Dicks

As one might imagine, after becoming part of the sex blogging community (and sex reviewers specifically) we have acquired quite a collection of sex toys. One of the many categories we expanded to, which prior we had not a single item of the like, is harness compatible dildos. The main reason was because we didn't own a harness and really had no reason to purchase one. We ended up purchasing a harness in order to try out pegging. (We still haven't ventured into that area yet.) In addition to this, we picked up the Tantus Acute and Rascal. The Acute is a slender dildo with a gentle curve for g\p-spot stimulation. The Rascal is a short yet thick dildo, with a slight curve and lots of ripply texture.

As one who is interested and has experimented with some fisting, I found myself in a curious position. Though I do indeed do a lot of stimulation for Sarah with my fingers and hands, I couldn't help feeling a little diminished by the girth of the Rascal. It measures 1.75 inches in diameter, which is 5.5 inches around. As one of the newest, though still awkward, parts of our relationship, I shared these feelings with my wife. Even though it makes no sense (which I admitted) seeing as how I have this fascination with trying to insert my entire hand into her pussy and making her squirm, I felt intimidated by this massive dildo. I think it has to do with the fact that my fingers and hands are still a part of me, where as the toy is a separate object. After talking about these feelings however, I felt them diminish. They were replaced by the feeling I normally get when she gets a new toy... Anticipation. I want to try it with her, use it on her, make her cum.

One of the biggest advantages we immediately noticed with a harness was how natural it felt. I've been using dildos and vibrators on her for quite some time now, but I rarely find an angle that is comfortable for both me and her. Many times, we just switched toys or did without. The harness solves such issues by positioning the dildo in a natural place, anchoring it but allowing it to give and pivot with the motions of your bodies.

The first dildo we tried with our harness was the Acute. I had used it manually before and while she enjoyed it, the experience was totally on another level with the harness. This was my first experience using a harness as well. Awkward at first, those feelings quickly melted away as I became more attuned to her needs. Grinding my hips into hers, feeling the tugs on the dildo as it rocked against me and plunged between her lips. Her fingers gripping the straps and pulling me harder into her, feeling the same heat and passion, the same intense arousal as if I were using my own cock. Her breasts squeezed under my body and her lips locked on mine and I can feel her body shake as she moans in release... Yes, using a harness is so much better than just playing with a dildo. It allows you to stay connected with your partner through touch, kiss, through skin and sound.

The Acute introduced me to how enjoyable a harness could be, but I still had to overcome my hurdle. A separate night, we tried out the Rascal. We teased each other and kissed each other, giving her an opportunity to get worked up. I tested her with my fingers, rubbing her gspot gently and slowly adding pressure. Her appreciative moans let me know she was ready. Making sure there was plenty of lube on the Rascal (it's a big dildo and woah! at the texture) I slowly eased it inside her. That first initial gasp of excitement, her eyes rolling back showed me just how much she enjoyed it and how it filled her inside.

How did that make me feel? I loved it. I love seeing her enjoying herself, whether she's playing with a toy by herself or squirting all over my chest. I release a satisfied sigh of relief and kissed her breasts and neck, holding her as we worked the Rascal between us, slow and steady. The intense texture and fullness gave her a great orgasm in short order and quickly sold me on both harnesses and dildos.

I'm a pretty average guy with an average cock. I'm not concerned about my size, hell, my hands have proven much more versatile tools than my cock. I encourage men to let go of those feelings of self-doubt. I can't bend my cock in a curve or add ridges to it (without piercings that I am soooo not getting) but I can use a dildo that has a stimulating texture or a juicy little curve to it. I'm glad that we've been able to nurture our relationship so that we can find out what we both really enjoy, even if they make us a little uncomfortable at first. I would not miss any chance to make her happy... yet another lesson that communication is key in any and every aspect of a relationship.

How it lingers...

The mind works in strange ways. Things you had forgotten, had forced from your mind can come back unbidden, unprompted. It can catch you completely off guard and unbalance your entire day.

I know my own personal experience with this has been brutal. My wife and I have both had affairs and I have flashes of remembering the things she said to me and the things I did to her, in both instances. Her affair is more than three years old and I didn't really find out about it until last year. It hurt to find out the truth, hurt like nothing else I have ever experienced before in my life. Since then, memories of what went on three years ago have gradually been washed back to the surface. It's been a struggle, but after talking to her about it, it seems to have subsided. I was hesitant to talk to her about my thoughts, because I know how it feels when she talks about the things we went through during my affair.

My affair was much more recent, not even 6 months ago. We have talked about everything that happened, everything that lead to it. It's been an excruciatingly painful process for her and I have tried to help her through it as best I can. Sometimes, I simply do not know what to say. Sometimes, it catches me by surprise and I come off short. I want her to know that it's not her fault.

Excuses don't work for things like this. There is no 'because' or 'if only' or 'but' in these situations. I own my actions and am responsible for her pain. It is not something I am proud of and looking at my own morals and personal integrity I do not understand myself how I got so far offtrack.

I am thankful that she stayed. I am thankful for her standing by me and having the courage to tell me everything that happened between her and her affair. As painful as it was, it all happened for a reason. Do I regret what happened? Of course. I wish more than anything that I could take such things back. However, the experience has opened our communication (though I still struggle with this) and helped us explore our own interests both in and out of the bedroom, to the point where I feel that I know her better now than I ever have.

What is a kiss?

Talking without words. Telling your lover how you feel, how much you need them, want them, crave them. A connection so intense you don't want to let go. All of the above and anything else. 

I love kissing. Whether it is a soft, tender kiss or a deep, passionate embrace nothing gets me roused like kissing. When my wife and I were first dating (some 8 years ago) I was pretty nervous. I knew early on that I was falling for her. I could talk to her for hours on the phone, which rarely happened for me. It was so easy. My past girlfriends had been based mostly on a physical attraction and I had little really in common with them. It was so refreshing and exciting to find someone I could talk to without having to reword or paraphrase myself. Her intelligence and wit were stimulating and her sarcasm made me laugh. With all this chemistry, I was hesitant to rush into things and risk messing up my chance with her.

It was our third date and I hadn't kissed her yet. She was probably thinking I was gay by this time, because she had been sending me some pretty strong signals. We were sitting in my car and had been talking for a while before she went inside. It was getting late but she kept hesitating. Finally, I took a deep breath and kissed her.

Every first kiss is a new experience. This was the most passionate kiss of my life. I have no idea how long we stayed there, wrapped in each others arms. My body was on fire and I didn't want to let go of her to come up for air. This was a turning point for us as we soon became inseparable and hardly able to keep our hands off each other.

Kissing is still just as thrilling for me and one of the most intimate acts of love. The soft curve of her lips, her warm breath on my skin, the slow caress of her tongue... it can be both gentle and needy or passionate and frantic. She can tease me with a lick or devour me with her lips. The kiss can set the mood for the entire night. It can tease you before a night out of things to come or add the last bit of comfort after a night of passion. It's both as passionate and graceful as dance, when my hands caress her face during a soft embrace or my fingers dig into her thighs in a steamy session.

I enjoy other kinds of foreplay, anything from spanking, masturbation, watching porn\hentai or just about anything else; but to me, kissing will always be the ultimate in foreplay.

Journey to the G-Spot

Over the past few months, my wife and I have been on a journey of discovery with each other. Imagine you were making love for the first time again. That’s what it felt like for us. It was an amazing time for us and we made the most of it. We spent nights in each other’s arms, talking, kissing, exploring. We talked about what we liked, what turned us on, everything. It was exciting for her to finally be able to open up to me like that.

One of the things we both had an interest in was finding her g-spot. Thus began about a month long journey of research: reading articles, watching videos, and buying different toys. All of the information was helpful in some way, though somewhat repetitive. For those unfamiliar with this, I’ll do a little recap here of some key points. I’ll also describe my own experiences with this, as it is most definitely a trial and error process.

Tips for G-Spot Massage by Hand
1) Keep nails clean, trimmed, and filed. Nothing will turn off a good feeling like a jagged nail in the twat!
2) Don’t jump right to it! Not only is it easier to feel, it feels better if you’re aroused.
3) Use lube. I prefer water-based for this and silicone for sex. It’s all preference, but you want a good thick lube that has some staying power.
4) The classic form is to gesture a “come here” motion inside of her. I would recommend doing this and stopping when you reach the pelvic wall. Some may find this spot further inside or less so… It varies from person to person. Apply slow and steady pressure and listen to your partner. It should feel good and
may give her the sensation she has to pee. This is *completely* normal. Trust me, it is not pee. The biggest hurdle we found was getting her to relax since that feeling prompts and instinct to do the opposite.
5) Once you have identified this spot, play around with it. Apply pressure, slow at first, then harder. Rub in small circles.. Back and forth.. Up and down. Watch your partner and see what she likes. I’ve found slow and deep pressure to be the way to go. I also recommend imagining you are tapping on that inner wall. Increase the speed, pressure and\or number of fingers as desired.

We originally started experimenting with her lying on her back. We had her legs propped up with pillows to the side so she could completely relax. I started using that classic method with two fingers, slipping them slowly inside her wet lips and stroking her inside, pressing softly on the warm muscle inside. I stroked in small circles to cover more area and it wasn’t long before she felt that apprehensive sensation of having to use the bathroom… So we stopped and she did. We continued. This went on for a week or so and as she got use to that sensation she was able to relax more.

One night, we’re trying to do this again using the same method. This time I was just applying pressure to her g-spot, slowly pulling my fingers back towards me and increasing the pressure with each pull. I could feel her pussy tightening around my fingers as she voiced her pleasure. Her moans were beautiful and it took a lot of control not to lose my concentration and keep my rhythm. That’s when it happened.

I kept it up and soon I felt her swelling inside, the muscles and glands contracting and filling so that I felt pressure on the top of my knuckles. I flicked my fingers back, pressing against her and truly making a vigorous “come here” motion. Her voice cracked and her legs shook as a small amount of clear liquid squirted all over the bed. Such a small amount, but such a huge victory for us.

We then made it a goal each night to press onward, determined to see this through. Finally one night, we tried this same technique with her in a doggie style position. One of the biggest issues we faced with her lying on her back was that the motions I need to make with my fingers were hard to maintain, especially with her pussy clamping down like it did. I started the same way I had before, but it was easier this time. I worked her up and I could tell by the way she felt inside she was getting close to an orgasm, but my fingers were still tiring. I curled my fingers around to rub her g-spot and slid them out, then in, like a dildo, but way better. I was in control and could add more pressure or curve as needed.

She bit the pillow, sheets balled up in her hands, her moans loud even through the fabric. I add a third finger and her pleasure intensifies. I add more pressure and she is on the edge of bliss. I stop thrusting and flick my fingers back and forth, feeling her pussy clenching around my digits. Her voice drops an octave as she comes all over me, her warm juices spraying across my chest and dripping down my arm. I am hooked. I have never been more turned on giving her pleasure than at that moment and the sight, sound, and feel of her climaxing was amazing.

We have enjoyed numerous sessions since that night and it remains one of my favorite things to do in the bedroom. We have purchased several toys to use for g-spot play, but none have been able to bring her to the edge the way I can. I kind of like it that way, to be honest. =)

Any of you exploring this area, I have one word for you: patience. It may take you some time to learn what gets you off, but it is most definitely worth it.