I know my own personal experience with this has been brutal. My wife and I have both had affairs and I have flashes of remembering the things she said to me and the things I did to her, in both instances. Her affair is more than three years old and I didn't really find out about it until last year. It hurt to find out the truth, hurt like nothing else I have ever experienced before in my life. Since then, memories of what went on three years ago have gradually been washed back to the surface. It's been a struggle, but after talking to her about it, it seems to have subsided. I was hesitant to talk to her about my thoughts, because I know how it feels when she talks about the things we went through during my affair.
My affair was much more recent, not even 6 months ago. We have talked about everything that happened, everything that lead to it. It's been an excruciatingly painful process for her and I have tried to help her through it as best I can. Sometimes, I simply do not know what to say. Sometimes, it catches me by surprise and I come off short. I want her to know that it's not her fault.
Excuses don't work for things like this. There is no 'because' or 'if only' or 'but' in these situations. I own my actions and am responsible for her pain. It is not something I am proud of and looking at my own morals and personal integrity I do not understand myself how I got so far offtrack.
I am thankful that she stayed. I am thankful for her standing by me and having the courage to tell me everything that happened between her and her affair. As painful as it was, it all happened for a reason. Do I regret what happened? Of course. I wish more than anything that I could take such things back. However, the experience has opened our communication (though I still struggle with this) and helped us explore our own interests both in and out of the bedroom, to the point where I feel that I know her better now than I ever have.
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